When Hebi Katana’s selftitled debut album came out in 2020 I enjoyed their unique sound and wondered if they would ever release a follow-up. In February 2022 we were treated with Impermanence (a word that describes the state of not lasting forever or not lasting for a long time), an album with muffled production but incredible musicianship. Their third album, III, takes the unique sound and style to new levels with professional-sounding production that makes it easy to enjoy the music.
The band resides in Tokyo, Japan, and occasionally tours throughout Japan and Europe. I listen to so much American doom metal that it’s refreshing to hear some doom from the perspective of a different culture. In similar fashion to Spanish stoner rock, the songs showcase the region and culture from which they came from.
If you like doom metal, you should definitely check out Hebi Katana’s second album, as it’s a regular in my rotation and one that I own on vinyl. The songs really shine on this one despite the quiet volume and closet-sounding, lo-fi production. My favorite tracks from Impermanence are Pain Should I Take, Dirty Moon Child and Agua De Vida.
Hebi Katana’s third album, III, starts off strong with the catchy tune Hallelujah Anyway and blasts straight into the second track, The Debtor, in seamless fashion. The production and pacing on this album are second to none, with each song serving its purpose among the collection of 9 well-written tracks. Other standout selections include Depressed Blues, Pennsylvania Blood and Darkest Priest.
The band’s Bandcamp merch page contains many gems including shirts, tote bags, stickers, patches, cassettes, CDs and vinyl records. They have a wide selection of goods and are quick to ship and give thanks. The band’s lead guitarist and singer, Nobu, engages with fans directly to show his appreciation. He even sent me a personal email thanking me for buying his record and telling me that he listened to my music! What a guy.
In addition to their three main releases the band has lots of live recordings available as well as a 2023 EP titled Orange and a 2023 single called 840 Jam. All of this can be found on their Bandcamp page or any streaming service.
Hebi Katana – III (December 2023) Number of tracks: 9 Runtime: 37 minutes 19 seconds
There was once a band called Wax Brain from Morgantown, West Virginia. On their first two releases, Wax Brain and II, they found their way and discovered their inner musical potential. By the time they made it to their third album in October 2021, Hive Mind, they were firing on all cylinders and at the top of their game.
I went into this album not expecting a whole lot. I listen to hundreds of fuzz metal albums and it can take quite a bit for a recording to really stick out. On this release, Wax Brain checked off all the boxes for what makes a good fuzz album in my opinion: mid-tempo catchy riffs, interesting lyrical concepts and vocal delivery, and clean production with thought put behind the album pacing.
Some of the standout tracks are Sativa, Indica, Return the Slab, and the title track Hive Mind. I particularly like the lyrics to Hive Mind, an epic opening track that is mostly instrumental. When it comes time for the meaningful lyrics about unity as a human race, I can’t help but to enjoy, agree, and sing along with them.
“We stand in stupor, we stand in awe. Searching our minds for who we are. We see the writing that’s on the wall. To build together, or watch it fall. I’ve seen from the highest mountains. Rivers run white, people robbed blind. We must stand together and reconstruct the hive mind.”
One minor flaw with this record is the overall volume. It is a bit quieter than many other albums, which can be annoying when listening to multiple records back-to-back. The volume isn’t too bad, I’ve heard quieter recordings for sure, but I do wish they had mastered this one a little bit louder.
I patiently waited three years for a follow-up to Hive Mind, but was ultimately disappointed with what I got. In April 2024 Wax Brain released The Last Show, a live recording from March 2024. This was their final live performance and ultimate send-off as a band. I still enjoy Hive Mind from time to time and I’m thankful I was able to snag a few Wax Brain stickers while they were still active.
Wax Brain – Hive Mind (October 2021) Number of tracks: 8 Runtime: 38 minutes 17 seconds
The Beard Cult is a heavy stoner band from Asheville, North Carolina. Upon seeing their band name and album cover for the first time, I immediately knew that this was going to be an album for the ages. This hunch was confirmed when I listened to the album and marked them down as a contender for the best new band of 2024.
The musical style is slow, sludgy, and fuzzed out. There are no “Cookie Monster” vocals to be found here, as the voices are clean, stoney, and often hilarious. There are several well-placed and tasteful skits that occur throughout the journey that are entertaining enough to make you not want to skip them.
The album is called Pogonaphilia which means “having a deep affinity for beards”. The opposite would be fear or disgust of beards, which would be pogonophobia.
Every track on the album is incredible, but my top picks are Like Dreaming, Electric Snowman, Reflections and Four Twenty (which has a runtime of exactly four minutes and twenty seconds). Nothing on the album is weak. Everything is extremely heavy and mid-tempo. You’re not going to find anything too technical or overly complicated on this album, which is perfectly fine with me.
The production is crisp and clean. Nothing is muffled or budget-sounding. There is a noticeable amount of post-production effort and thought put into the album pacing. For a debut album I think this is a very impressive effort. I hope that this band gets big enough to begin touring so I can see them live.
The Beard Cult – Pogonaphilia (April 2024) Number of tracks: 8 Runtime: 40 minutes
In my free time I took on the persona of “Hashlips” Harry Hughes and recorded an EP titled Toke Time. This was published on all music streaming services in early 2024.
The “Hashlips” Harry Hughes concept was originally meant to be a one-song deal with the release of the track Phat Waxy Bat, a song about famous YouTube stoner Jolie Olie. When the song unexpectedly received tens of thousands of views on YouTube I realized the world craves more waxy Harry Hughes tracks for their stoney minds.
Tracklist: 1. Widowmaker Dab 2. Truck Stop Quickie 3. He Knows What He’s Doing (When He’s Dabbing) 4. Clean Piece 5. Ay Yi Yi 6. Play ‘Till I Win feat. Krypol Haze 7. Phat Waxy Bat
WIDOWMAKER DAB
“Hashlips” Harry Hughes. “Hashlips” Harry Hughes. “Hashlips” Harry Hughes, Waxy Bat, part 2.
“Hashlips” Harry Hughes. “Hashlips” Harry Hughes. “Hashlips” Harry Hughes with a brand new song for you.
Holy moly, Jolie Olie. So much flower in your bowlie. No cough special? Show me. You’re always either packing or rolling. Chewin’ on a Weedza. Munchin’ on Doweedos. Strong lung. Three hits in one breath. Make sure you see those playlists.
Personal Favorites. Late Night Specials. Outdoor Videos, Fun With Numbers, Stoner Questions. Interviews, Dab Reviews, Official Walkthroughs. After you’ve seen all of them, you’ll be an expert, too.
Do a longdraw. Bust a big fat dab without fail. Tilt your head while hitting the pipe, heat the gold mini nail. Jolie likes undisturbed trikes. He’s also a chip eatin’ fool, smashin’ hard when hunger strikes.
The Predator Pink will make you sit down and think. Cut you to your core. See life like you never have before. Jolie’s buddy Daniel is always ready for a sample. He can handle a big glob, it’s not a gamble.
Widowmaker dab. Widowmaker dab. Save the last of your hash from at least 6 different slabs. Roll it into one, you’ll be lit up like the sun. This is how Jolie has fun. Widowmaker, then he’s stunned. Sergeant Strong Lung. Once he starts, he’s never done. T-Rex Concentrates makes a fresh nug run, and Jolie’s there to taste test. Samplin’ the best. Not a victim of stress. He’s always chillin’ with his friends.
Mixin’ shatter and budder. He’s got one strain after another. Explains the strains he’s about to smother with heat. Longdraw technique will be necessary. Wearin’ tees made by Planet of the Grapes Clothing.
Usin’ the goo as a glue to stick the shatter and crumble to. Compton’s Concentrates and Medicinoils blasted through, brought to you a run guaranteed to make you smile. Worthwhile of your lungs. Throw the chunks into a pile.
Rile up the molecules of the nail to create heat. Your medication mission will not see defeat. 7/10/2014 I discovered Jolie. And ever since then, the subscriber count has been exploding.
Blowin’ up. Josh from Strain Central is a guest I enjoy seeing on the show, along with all the rest of Jolie’s friends. It’s the best when in the end of a video Jolie throws up his thumbs and says AHHH! Comedy gold!
Widowmaker dab. Widowmaker dab. Save the last of your hash from at least 6 different slabs. Roll it into one, you’ll be lit up like the sun. This is how Jolie has fun. Widowmaker, then he’s stunned. Sergeant Strong Lung. Once he starts, he’s never done. T-Rex Concentrates makes a fresh nug run, and Jolie’s there to taste test. Samplin’ the best. Not a victim of stress. Rockin’ the quartz domeless.
Widowmaker dab. Widowmaker dab. Save the last of your hash from at least 6 different slabs. Roll it into one, you’ll be lit up like the sun. This is how Jolie has fun. Widowmaker, then he’s stunned. Sergeant Strong Lung. Once he starts, he’s never done. T-Rex Concentrates makes a live resin run, and Jolie’s there to taste test. Samplin’ the best. Not a victim of stress. Unprecedented success.
TRUCK STOP QUICKIE
Truck stop quickie! A short video. Truck stop quickie! It don’t move slow. It’ll fly past fast, jack. Put on ya hat, heat up your nail, and do a dab.
Matter of fact, bring along a whole slab. Little bit of this, and a little bit of that. Hashlips Harry is always glad when a truck stop quickie is to be had.
Truck stop quickie! A short video. Truck stop quickie! It don’t move slow. It’ll fly past fast, jack. Put on ya hat, heat up your nail, and do a dab.
Matter of fact, bring your own carb cap. A little pre-run and a little bit of sap. Hashlips Harry is always glad when a truck stop quickie is to be had.
Only got time for a few quick hits. No official walkthroughs or explinations. Not enough minutes for all of this, only have a few hundred seconds.
In this situation you’ll see what is known as a Truck Stop Quickie. Enjoy it while you can, it’ll soon be gone. So grab a bud, lighter and bong.
Truck stop quickie! A short video. Truck stop quickie! It don’t move slow. It’ll fly past fast, jack. Put on ya hat, heat up your nail, and do a dab.
Matter of fact, bring along a whole slab. Little bit of this, and a little bit of that. Hashlips Harry is always glad when a truck stop quickie is to be had.
Truck stop quickie! A short video. Truck stop quickie! It don’t move slow. It’ll fly past fast, jack. Put on ya hat, heat up your nail, and do a dab.
Matter of fact, bring your own carb cap. A little pre-run and a little bit of sap. Hashlips Harry is always glad when a truck stop quickie is to be had.
HE KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING (WHEN HE’S DABBING)
…He knows what he’s doing when he’s dabbing. …He knows what he’s doing when he’s dabbing. …He knows what he’s doing when he’s dabbing. …He knows what he’s doing when he’s dabbing.
…He doesn’t fumble. He doesn’t stumble. …Puts the dab to the nail with zero trouble. Coughs like a mad man. Only Jolie can do a widowmaker dab and laugh like nothin’ happened.
Butane hash. He has a blast every time he heats the nail, puts the vapor through the glass. I wanna try some Rump Wax. Yes, they turn hay to gold with the extraction process.
Man, he loves the clean high. Does him just right. Jolie hits the pipe several times every night. Puts him in a state of mind, floatin’ like a kite. Gets the munchies, grabs Doweedoes and bottle of Sprite.
Fired up the YouTube. Smokin’ with my dude. Turned on CustomGrow420, watched the Xvape review. Jolie adjusted his hat, paused, then said “What up?” Broke the vape out the box and then reviewed the product.
Digital display shows the temp of your vape. Hit the button three times, then you’re on your way to a good day. No matter where it is you are. Whether you prefer chilly or a hot n’ hurtie char.
Loosely fill the chamber with material. Sixty minutes later, you’ll be searchin’ for some cereal. Do yourself a favor. Grab yourself a flavor. Jolie’s massive passion for the plant will never waver.
CLEAN PIECE
I once smoked bud at a buddy’s house, and he presented me with a piece that was foul. The rez was caked, and the airflow, tight. Desperately needed hit with an alcohol wipe.
Clean Piece is how I smoke weed. Use a bath of Grunge Off at nighttime while you sleep. Clean piece, so I can taste my green in the freshest way, that’s how I please, indeed.
Another time, in another place, I found myself where a stranger’s bowl would rotate. The end, unclean, I could see the grime, Never cleaned a single time within its whole life.
Clean Piece is how I smoke weed. Use a bath of Grunge Off at nighttime while you sleep. Clean piece, so I can taste my green in the freshest way, that’s how I please, indeed.
My sleeves are green, yes, they’re caked with supreme shake from the table, they catch when I lean over the tray, something special today, because I got my Christmas wish, no more headaches.
And I’ve got samples of oi to go through. Enough for both to enjoy, me and you. Scented like something authentic and true, not to mention the mind state when it is consumed.
Give me a gift, and I’ll give many thanks. It’s been years since Mr. Hughes sampled his first taste, but it only gets better, the freshest of trees. For the best results you will need a clean piece.
Grunge Off, get yourself a few bottles of these, Submerge the pipe at night, airflow cool as the breeze the next day during usage, at times, I’ve been stupid and broke my glass, so be careful while you clean.
I will blaze the chron until it’s all gone. Marijuana mindset is the wavelength I’m on. Consume the fume, don’t let gloom feelings loom, now. Just dance with a bag, lift it up towards the moon.
Let out a howl when impressed with how loud the bud in my bag is, smoke it up now. Throw up a cloud. Show up downtown to the event you’ve been waiting for, so get down.
Clean Piece is how I smoke weed. Use a bath of Grunge Off at nighttime while you sleep. Clean piece, so I can taste my green in the freshest way, that’s how I please, indeed.
Clean Piece is how I smoke weed. Use a bath of Grunge Off at nighttime while you sleep. Clean piece, so I can taste my green in the freshest way, that’s how I please, no seed.
AY YI YI
Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. My, oh, my, tounge and lips are so dry. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high.
I’m Hashlips Harry Hughes, arriving to the party chewed. Got a brand new strain of glue to try for me and you. Got a brand new pack of papers and some Phunky Feel tips, too. We will go through and consume every product in the room.
Take a sample home. Take one to the pot zone. Take one to your grannie who lives all alone. She will thank you, bro. Give a gram to your buddy Dan. Give a zip to your man Skip. Roll up somethin’ dumb for your best chum.
Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. My, oh, my, tounge and lips are so dry. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. My stomach cries, give me turkey and pie. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high.
Nothin’ like the gift of pot. A gift I want a lot. A gift I unwrap with my lungs, a rift in time and space unlocked. Got a pair of comfy socks on. Got my watch on. 710 approachin’, heat my nail like Sriracha.
Gotta watch ya when you’re dabbin’ from my rig. If you drop the damn thing, a hot glass explosion. Emotional corrosion. Spent a lot of money on that piece. I want to travel to New York and do a dab with Tony Neese.
Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. My, oh, my, tounge and lips are so dry. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high. My stomach sighs, I’ve been hungry all night. Ay yi, yi, I, I, I am high, high.
PLAY ‘TILL I WIN FEAT. KRYPOL HAZE
Harry Hughes and Krypol Haze gettin’ blazed all day. Got the e-nail goin’ every time we play Super Smash Brothers Melee or Streets of Rage. Turn the page when Comix Zone is displayed on the TV.
Mario Kart 64 is how we settle the score. I’m racking up points galore. I got the blue shell, it gives you hell if you’re hanging out in first place.
Damn sure I’m a keep up the chase and erase your name from the leaderboard. Sit on the cedar floor. The cord to the controller don’t make it very far. In between every round, open the jar.
Watchin’ Jolie on YouTube, sparkin’ up my new tube. Pass it to my dude so I can continue General Chaos. ‘Causin havoc. Scorchin’ your soldiers with a flamethrower. I’m an addict.
Man, I don’t know what the craze of it is. Shoot, you really being lazy. Not slick. I figure that if I’m a do that, I might as well sit my punk ass at home and just play with my stick. Fail you a mission and play it again, it have you missin’ work and being late to the gym. Shoot, but I gotta admit, every time I turn this game on, I gotta always play ’till I win.
Alright, well I’m sittin’ on an old school Genesis, it’s got me feelin’ limitless. Smoked two Swishers full of spinach and I feel like that I can’t finish my sentences. Alright, man, ain’t this a bitch?
Screw your innocence. I diminish any nemesis’s in the premises. Oh, that’s your game and you just finished it? ‘Cause I don’t wanna hear no lip when I take it to you with your family and friends as witnesses.
Come and get it, kid, we ain’t finished yet. Yeah, I know the only reason that you having me over is this bag of weed that I just happen to have. So when I roll it, go ahead and just pass the controller. (Pass the sticks, dog)
Yeah, you lucky that I’m gettin’ messed up and everything in here is startin’ to move gradually slower. But I crack the seal on another beer to prove that I can beat you at your own game and I don’t have to be sober.
Shoot, is there a pro league for playin’ video games? ‘Cause yeah man, I’m a star in the rubble. Shoot, Atari started the trouble, but my favorite game to smash you in is the Super Mario Brothers.
And after an ass whoopin’ like that, I could imagine that it might be tough or kinda hard to recover. And this may not be the best time to ask, but screw it. I beat the game you gave me. Can I borrow another?
Man, I don’t know what the craze of it is. Shoot, you really being lazy. Not slick. I figure that if I’m a do that, I might as well sit my punk ass at home and just play with my stick. Fail you a mission and play it again, it have you missin’ work and being late to the gym. Shoot, but I gotta admit, every time I turn this game on, I gotta always play ’till I win.
PHAT WAXY BAT
A ‘twax at 12, and a plume at Noon. BH is the thing Jolie consumes. He hates when it ain’t purged by a vacuum. It’s great when he says “What up YouTube YouTube?!” A ‘twax at 12, and a plume at Noon. BH is the thing Jolie consumes. He hates when it ain’t purged by a vacuum. It’s great when he says “What up YouTube YouTube?!”
When he says cheers, he has no fears. His name’s Jolie Olie; he’s been smokin’ for years. Acquired many peers. Never have I seen him frown. Always have I seen him down to smoke a mound of flower
that he found in a dispensary. While taking a selfie, the expression on his face lets you know he’s wealthy with happiness. He is blessed. Living in a legal state. He will wake and bake and take the shake and smoke it to the face.
Not only that, he’ll host a worldwide session. Bringing all the smokers together for a mission to get medicated and become closer to nature. Reinvigorate the cells in their cannabinoid receptors.
Dr. Dabber mini at the Washington State Fair. 4K resolution if your TV can take you there. Often you’ll witness him filling up Ol’ Faithful. If it ain’t green or gold, it won’t be seen in his bowl.
A ‘twax at 12, and a plume at Noon. BH is the thing Jolie consumes. He hates when it ain’t purged by a vacuum. It’s great when he says “What up YouTube YouTube?!” A ‘twax at 12, and a plume at Noon. BH is the thing Jolie consumes. He hates when it ain’t purged by a vacuum. It’s great when he says “What up YouTube YouTube?!”
What up YouTube YouTube!? This is Jolie Olie comin’ at you. Live and direct for CustomGrow420, an eighteen and over channel designed for cannabis patients and adults!
He is amazing! There’s no faults in the buds he burns or the wax that he dissolves. When the oi is on his nail, I’m in awe at the copious amount of vapor particles pourin’ out his jaw.
Widowmaker dab? Yes, indeed Jolie will cough. Hot n’ hearty to 1000°? He’s blastin’ off. Wipin’ the glob down in the lip of the trough. At first it was a shatter, now it’s buddered up and soft.
When he has a guest on for a session, guarantee the two are gonna need a restaurant by the time the show is over. Remember the subscriber poster? I want pendants of The Pig Pigs and Dozer.
A ‘twax at 12, and a plume at Noon. BH is the thing Jolie consumes. He hates when it ain’t purged by a vacuum. It’s great when he says “What up YouTube YouTube?!” A ‘twax at 12, and a plume at Noon. BH is the thing Jolie consumes. He hates when it ain’t purged by a vacuum. It’s great when he says “What up YouTube YouTube?!”
During a walkthrough, my jaw usually drops. I’m extremely entertained, and the laughter never stops. He goes in detail. Shows you every dome and nail. He will sample every smell. Knows what he wants very well.
He’s a foodie. You see? Munchies ’till he’s turnin’ blue. Yes, it’s true. Jolie knows a heady spot to go to. Breakin’ out the Munchpak. He subscribes to that. Sour Diesel is what he prefers when he wraps
up a phat waxy bat. Or the Fatboy Glass. Dale Sommers is the man who provided that. Professional YouTuber. First rig was the Mini Schuler. Rain City Glass gave it a sandblast. Now it’s even cooler.
Like his 3D custom torch from a sub. Were you around back when his video collection was deleted? Please re-do the Two Story Dab. Fell from the top of the steps to the rig in Jolie’s hand.
A ‘twax at 12, and a plume at Noon. BH is the thing Jolie consumes. He hates when it ain’t purged by a vacuum. It’s great when he says “What up YouTube YouTube?!” A ‘twax at 12, and a plume at Noon. BH is the thing Jolie consumes. He hates when it ain’t purged by a vacuum. It’s great when he says “What up YouTube YouTube?!”
T-Rex Concentrates. Brandon from Lifted Dream Extracts. Jolie’s former neighbor, Che. 500,000 subs with his cell phone.
Garbage Dab Kids Series 2 pin. We could use a lot more Jolie merchandisin’. If you didn’t get your fill, check out some other playlists. What are you dabbin’ if you’re dabbin’, what are you smokin’ if you’re smokin?
His hat matches his shirt. Smoking is what he calls work. His hat matches his shirt. Smoking is what he calls work. His hat matches his shirt. Smoking is what he calls work. His hat matches his shirt. Smoking is what he calls work.
His hat matches his shirt. Smoking is what he calls work. His hat matches his shirt. Smoking is what he calls work. His hat matches his shirt. Smoking is what he calls work. His hat matches his shirt. Smoking is what he calls work.
I’ve always liked the way 8-bit and 16-bit chiptune music sounds. While playing retro games, lyrics come to mind based on the unique systems and obstacles at hand.
In 2020 I released a second mixtape based on this concept. I took music from video games and recorded lyrics over top of them. Other than the bonus tracks at the end of the album, the only music I wrote for the mixtape was on track 6, Mega Mouse.
To be in a state of “Particle Don” is to exist in our third dimensional physical reality. Our spirits wear or “don” suits made of particles that we call our bodies. These spacesuits enable our consciousness to experience the world as we know it.
The 72 Pin Connector .zip file contains lyrics to all 26 songs in individual text files.
Particle Don – 72 Pin Connector Vol. 2 (2020) Number of tracks: 26 (21 in the mixtape plus 5 bonus tracks) Runtime: 72 minutes 57 seconds
Intro song to the CD. Describes what it’s like to collect all this damn plastic gear and about the space it takes up. It’s also about how emulation cannot replicate the feeling of owning the actual hardware and playing the game from the original device.
Here I am, playin’ Genesis. Makin’ a mess all on the floor with cartridges galore. Long cords are neatly wrapped circular to preserve and extend the life of the controller.
Takin’ care of the hardware. Use compressed air. Cleanin’ out the dust that accumulated in there. When I buy online, gotta pay a fare. A delivery fee for shipment here.
Never put a cartridge in my console that haven’t had the pin connectors cleaned. Never put a game pack in my handheld until I use Eliminator by Naki. (Eliminator used to be a brand of cartridge cleaning solution made by a company called Naki.)
Always playin’ old school games on original hardware. Emulation can’t compare to having a working system running classics from my early teens.
Gotta put the games back correctly so they’ll be preserved for future playing. Gotta keep everything in premium condition. Gotta guarantee I can play ’em again.
When I’m rockin’ it, there ain’t no stoppin’ it. The old high score? Stompin’ it. Smearin’ it. Moppin’ it. When I hit power, lose all my data. Thankfully, a password backs my saves up.
Original mode is a true challenge. Gotta manage a pro motorbike champion. Earn sponsors and money in races. Upgrade your bike in 6 different areas.
Havin’ a great time gettin’ my game on. Havin’ a great time with Super Hang-On.
B accelerates. A brakes. C gives you a boost back in the race. Win five in a row, what do you know? A new sponsor, track, and a new rival.
Havin’ a great time gettin’ my game on. Havin’ a great time with Super Hang-On.
Got the 6-Pak stuck in my hardware. Never gotta take it out, it just stays there. Six classics. What a great mix. Never gotta change games when I need a fix.
Havin’ a great time gettin’ my game on. Havin’ a great time with Super Hang-On.
Never gotta take it out when I want a new game. When I’m sick of playin’ the same thang every day. Every genre represented ‘long the way. Puzzle, platform, side scroll, racing.
Havin’ a great time gettin’ my game on. Havin’ a great time with Super Hang-On.
02 – ORIGINAL MODE
Playin’ Super Hang-On. What a great one. On the 6-Pak. No explainin’ how it kept me gamin’. Physics were amazin’. Playin’ Super Hang-On. What a great one. On the 6-Pak. No explainin’ how it kept me gamin’. Physics were amazin’. Playin’ Super Hang-On. What a great one. On the 6-Pak. No explainin’ how it kept me gamin’. Physics were amazin’. Playin’ Super Hang-On. What a great one. On the 6-Pak. No explainin’ how it kept me gamin’. Physics were amazin’.
There was once an era never to be duplicated. All the games were in 2D, 16-bit systems were groundbreaking. All the current generation consoles based on cartridges. I never thought I’d see it, but believe it or not, here it is.
Games over four gigs. I remember four mega bits was a selling point on the front of some packages. Remember pin connectors. Remember R/F modulators. I can think back to the time when I was playin’ Space Invaders
on 2600, with a controller in hand. Yes, it was a time if I had to revisit, I’d be glad. Yes, it was a time if I could duplicate it would be grand. ‘Cause no longer do I have the system. Wound up in the trash.
Ended up in the wrong hands. Can’t stand it, man, when that stuff just happens. Gotta move ahead. Gotta keep on goin’ so that don’t happen again. Gotta keep a level head. Live to gain another win.
Count the hours that I spent playin’ Sega compared to the hours that I played Super Hang-On. What is the ratio? I will never know. Spent a lot of time with Original Mode.
Spent a lot of cash for better mechanics. Keep my bike in top shape so I am the fastest. Constantly upgrading so I don’t come in last place. 1987. Over two decades.
Eight ports in ’89. Sega Mega Drive. Amstrad CPC. Atari ST. Amiga. Spectrum. C64. Sharp 68, and Mac…I played it for…
Mega Drive; Genesis. It was the best game on the 6-Pak. Yes, If I was asked what is the best game you played back in the day? I just may say Super H-A-N-G.
Designed by Yu Suzuki. Written in my memory. Times when I’d spend three hours or more seated on the floor. High score is the achievement I’m shootin’ for.
Won’t get any gamer points, just how I like. Thinkin’ back to a time before games were online. Thinkin’ back to a time before I had to sign in a profile just to press start. I was fine
with gaming how it used to be in it’s infancy. Blowing up currently. Back then, different story. In the days of glory, the games industry captivated me. Some of the games highly impressing.
You could say a lot of them were frustrating. Difficulty curve will swerve what you’re expecting. Everybody always movin’ on to the next thing. I’m still posted in the 16-bit era of gaming.
Playin’ Super Hang-On. What a great one. On the 6-Pak. No explainin’ how it kept me gamin’. Physics were amazin’. Playin’ Super Hang-On. What a great one. On the 6-Pak. No explainin’ how it kept me gamin’. Physics were amazin’. Playin’ Super Hang-On. What a great one. On the 6-Pak. No explainin’ how it kept me gamin’. Physics were amazin’. Playin’ Super Hang-On. What a great one. On the 6-Pak. No explainin’ how it kept me gamin’. Physics were amazin’.
03 – THE REASON FOR CANCELLATION
Eternal Champions, Genesis. Do my best. Make a mess of ya move sets. Yes, I’m one of the quickest opponents you’ll ever have to test. You’ll be full of regrets. You neglect two thirds of your move set!
Caught ya button mashin’, that’ll get ya so far. Study the move list quick, ’cause odds are… Hit ya with a combo, extend my arm. The shape formed on the end of the limb hits ya hard.
Biggest sprites outta any fighting game. Animations for the Overkills, takin’ up the whole frame. Can’t feasibly explain how much rage I have towards the reason for cancellation.
This franchise was held back, despite offers for cartoons and comics. Challenge From The Dark Side saw day’s light. Mega CD exclusive.
Am I right when I say that’s a tough to find system? You won’t see that next time you’re shoppin’. Not even at Record Exchange. Unless someone made a huge trade, and gave it away.
Sega of Japan felt Eternal Champions kept Virtua Fighter from spreading like wildfires. In the US, where where we play all fighters, Sega wanted one U.S. contender.
So, the franchise got dropped. Mike Latham said the news made him almost want to quit. The Final Chapter game for Sega Saturn; slated for release, unfortunately didn’t happen.
Ask me to speak candidly, I disagree. I think the lore in E.C. would go over better in the States. Look at all the great source material for offtakes.
Not to take anything away from Virtua Fighter. It just didn’t have the story or the characters I prefer in a fighting game. They explained in Eternal Champions the reason for the melee.
There were two alternate universes. Two games. X-perts was on Genesis. Chicago Syndicate had appeared only on Game Gear. It’s a game rated K to A.
It appears in an alternate reality timeline. Larcen never died. Therefore, never tried his hand in the E C tournament. From the start he planned on winnin’ it.
He needed to know why the pot was stirrin’. Information on Tagliani’s current whereabout. Larcen found out in the nick of time. Prevented the explosion!
Each stage has an Overkill. An animation when the fight’s final. Animate. Throw you on a flaming stake. Also get pushed in exhaust fan blades.
Caught ya button mashin’, that’ll get ya so far. What ya gonna do when I got your life bar down to the final pixel? Will you give in? Or will you keep fightin’ and go for the win?
Once in history, Eternal Champions Cherry was a 7-11 Slurpee. A temporary tattoo on the bottom of the cup. Who did you choose? Haven’t seen these in quite a few.
What if in the year 2014, you had a sealed copy of E.C.? Sorting thorough your old games. The original cellophane still on the packaging. It had never been played.
What would you do? Keep it in the box? Or break the seal, play it for the first time? Unlock the feeling of opening a 16-bit game over a decade after it was made.
Caught ya button-mashin, that’ll get ya so far. What ya gonna do when we spar? Will you get far? Will you conquer? Will you pull a shocker? Deplete my whole life bar?
Biggest sprites outta any fighting game. Animations for the Overkills, takin’ up the whole frame . Can’t feasibly explain how much rage I have towards the reason for cancellation.
This franchise was cancelled. Could have been a name known throughout all households. Challenge From The Dark Side saw day’s light. Mega CD exclusive. Am I right?
When I say that’s a tough to find console. You won’t see that next time you’re you’re at the store. Not even at Game Connection, unless someone made a mistake. Traded their whole collection.
Caught ya button-mashin’, that’ll get ya so far. What ya gonna do when we spar? Will you get far? Will you conquer? Will you pull a shocker? Deplete my whole life bar?
Biggest sprites outta any fighting game. Animations for the Overkills, takin’ up the whole frame. Can’t feasibly explain how much rage I have towards the reason for cancellation.
04 – 72 PIN CONNECTOR (HOW TO INSTALL)
If you own a first-gen NES, the kind where you horizontally insert cartridges, and you have problems turning on your games, the screen blue, puts you in a rotten mood, hurts you brains…you have options.
Buy a gen-two system with a dog bone controller. I recommend not doing that unless you want to spend a lot of money. There’s an even better possibility!
72 pin connector. Make your NES work better. Only once hit power. Never have to blow into the cartridge. Never have to worry if a game will work before you start it.
But make sure you clean every game that you see! You don’t want to get the pin connector dirty. A cleaning kit will do the trick, but if you’re on a budget, use 50/50 water/alcohol, then let it sit.
Required for this task is a Phillips #2. There’s a few things we need to do before we put the piece into the system. Make sure the pins are aligned. The flat ones. On the piece’s outer left and right.
This gear was made in 1985. No wonder why I’m puttin’ all my effort behind giving new life to an entertainment system I’ve been playin’ for as long as I’ve been breathin’ and eatin’. Hearing and seein’.
Nothing inside spins. The cartridge is a format that lives if you have good connections. Screw driven between two pieces of plastic is a chip that contains the script and the graphics.
Once you have a Phillips #2 and you’ve looked through all the components of the pin connections… Everything looks right. But we want to avoid static discharge that could damage the system.
Open up the NES case. To replace the NES connector set the console upside down so the base points up, towards your face. Guarantee you won’t frown if this operation makes the final stage.
No lookin’ back now! We removed six screws. Then we set the system on it’s base and got into the innards of the NES by taking the top cover off. Set the screws inside. You don’t wanna lose them in the soft carpeting!
Make sure you aren’t wearing fuzzy socks or slippers. Static electricity is a constant factor. Next goal that we’re after is to remove the metal casing cover.
Held in place by seven more screws. Pull up on the RF shield. Pull it towards you. Put the seven screws in the metal casing. Next, we remove the cartridge housing.
This part is very important. Mess this up and your system might get broken. Six more screws. Lift the circuit board. Pull the cartridge housing up slightly and out towards the front of the system.
Don’t forget the plastic clip during reinstallation, or the housing won’t sit properly. Loosen the two screws that hold the circuit board. Put your thumbs on the sides of the old connector.
On there very tight! Use all your might! When you have removed it, take it, set it aside. Now you see the pins on the circuit board exposed. Clean ’em off if you want to make sure it will work as good as new.
You don’t have to clean the circuit board connectors, but it won’t harm you. Now that you are ready to install the new connector, pick it up, make sure your grip is secure between your thumbs.
Put it in place. You’ve had enough. During installation, make sure you line it up. Make sure you press it firmly into place. Now you’re good to reverse the procedure, reassemble the case.
Just make sure that you’re able to fit the plastic clip underneath the circuit board bit. If you put it on and you notice a gap between the board and the housing, it’s incorrect!
Once you’ve reassembled everything properly, get ready for adrenaline to pump through your veins! But you’re not done yet. If you want to make sure everything is proper, clean all your games!
72 pin connector. Make your NES work better. Only once hit power. Never have to blow into the cartridge. Never have to worry if a game will work before you start it.
But make sure you clean every game that you see! You don’t want to get the pin connector dirty. A cleaning kit will do the trick, but if you’re on a budget, use 50/50 water/alcohol, then let it sit.
05 – NOSTALGIA CLASS
If you can’t pay for the repairs when your bike’s wrecked, the game comes to an end. Gotta spend money that you earn. Place at least third in order to proceed on farther.
As you play, the money you make will increase, but so will the difficulty of the race. Gotta place. Gotta give chase. Gotta let go of the gas, tap the brakes
when you hit a sharp turn in the track. Must stay under control, or you’ll flail off your bike. You don’t wanna get lapped. Chances of winning zapped.
Get pushed back in placing. And that’s frustrating! Gotta keep playing; make money. So I can afford the best Sport GT. European with top grade handling.
Two more bike types. Neither of ’em duds. Cruisers and Race Replicas. Cruisers are American style. Got straight line power, but don’t steer well.
Very quick, very light. Japanese super bike. Race Replicas always make a great choice. Japanese style. Last of the three types. Impressin’ me when I drive it for the first time.
It’s crazy how much better the handling is! Glad that they built in a password function so I can save my game. It would truly be a shame and a pain if I couldn’t regain my place.
Believe it or not, the tracks depict real places, ’cause the Palm Desert is California State Route 74. Road Rash 2 and 3 took the action even farther!
The sequel took the race out of state. No longer just California, now you race in Alaska, Arizona, and Hawaii, Vermont, also Tennessee.
In Road Rash 3 the race goes worldwide. The game used new sprites, made in ’95. Germany, Italy, Japan, Kenya, Brazil, Isle of Man, and Australia.
In the first game there’s chains and clubs available to the player as weapons. Only way to get ’em is to punch at the precise moment you were about to get stunned.
If an enemy attacks with an object, that’s your chance to steal it from his hand. Now you have it for the whole race. Knock Biff off his bike with a cold steel chain!
Take a course in nostalgia class. Road Rash. Flyin’ by ya fast when I zoom past. The gas pedal pushed full. Get whooshed into a car, ’round the sharp corner.
Anticipate where the car will be. Get in the left lane when you can’t see. Cars like to hide on the outside. Defensively drive.
Gotta stay alive in the placing. In the ranking. On the wall where everyone’s comparing Scores and stats. They will be laughing at you, too, if your racing
ain’t up in the top three. Ain’t up there with me. Ain’t up where you see top talent in the Grand Prix. Ya get canned, kid, if ya can’t compete. Ya get canned, kid, if ya can’t compete.
Take a course in nostalgia class. Road Rash. Flyin’ by ya fast when I zoom past. The gas pedal pushed full. Get whooshed into a car, ’round the sharp corner.
The adrenaline rush. Can ya make it last? Road Rash. Flyin’ by ya fast when I zoom past. The gas pedal pushed full. Get whooshed into a cow, standin’ on the damn curb.
Make big cash like world class champs. Road Rash. Flyin’ by ya fast when I zoom past. The gas pedal pushed full. Get whooshed into a biker, around the curve.
The adrenaline rush. Can ya make it last? Road Rash. Flyin’ by ya fast when I zoom past. The gas pedal pushed full. Get whooshed into an oil spill, can’t help but swerve.
Take a course in nostalgia class. Road Rash. Flyin’ by ya fast when I zoom past. The gas pedal pushed full. Get whooshed into a car, ’round the sharp corner.
The adrenaline rush. Can ya make it last? Road Rash. Flyin’ by ya fast when I zoom past. The gas pedal pushed full. Get whooshed into a cow, standin’ on the damn curb.
Make big cash like world class champs. Road Rash. Flyin’ by ya fast when I zoom past. The gas pedal pushed full. Get whooshed into a biker, around the curve.
The adrenaline rush. Can ya make it last? Road Rash. Flyin’ by ya fast when I zoom past. The gas pedal pushed full. Get whooshed into an oil spill, can’t help but swerve. Into an oil spill, can’t help but swerve. Into an oil spill, can’t help but swerve. Into an oil spill, can’t help but swerve. Into an oil spill, can’t help but swerve. Into an oil spill, can’t help but swerve.
06 – MEGA MOUSE
I use the Sega Mega mouse while I’m in the house playin’ Wacky Worlds. It’s a game for Genesis that I never heard about until recently. Picked up a copy. Finding it wasn’t easy.
The Mega Mouse is compatible with very few games. Most of ’em weren’t released in the States. You can’t just use a Nomad to play imports with the mouse. No way for it to be the first controller!
The Nomad has an input for a second pad, but the second player can’t control the hand. The pointer for the interface. Where will I place this mad scientist on my canvas space?
Make your own music to play in the background. Place blocks on a timeline, up and down. It’s not a step sequencer, that would be better. It’s the next best thing to an audio editor on a Genesis.
You select variants. You got two to choose from on each of the instruments. And you have an off option. You can make music that’s pretty good soundin’.
Need the Mega Mouse if ya want more control. This game came with it in the bundle. 1994, Learning Company did a port for the Windows and Mac platforms.
The mouse was enabled for connectivity between Genesis and the Mega CD. Worked with Dungeon Master 2: Skullkeep. Star Blade. Sim Earth. Mad Dog McCree.
Nine Genesis carts had compatibility. Sixteen on the Mega CD. Shanghai 2: Dragon’s Eye was a good buy. Without the Mega Mouse, wouldn’t a gave it a try.
Just so ya know, came out a long time ago. Controller will work, but a mouse that rolls is the best way to input your intention. It came with the game boxed in the packagin’.
Creativity studio, came out a long time ago. Controller will work, but a mouse that rolls is the best way to control what was moving. It made everything go much more smoothly!
07 – EPIC, FAST-PACED HIKING
When I play games with a buddy, I prefer not doing it digitally. Video games are for the winter. Best time of the year is summer.
When it’s warm, I play games outside. Air in my lungs. Get exercise. New realm of fun. Get sweat in my eyes. I’m tellin’ ya, give it a try.
Buy you a footbag! I’ve had 100+ fun times with that. No screen, flat LCD crap. Just me and a friend and cloth wrapped sand!
Kick below the knees for a skill dance. Knee high is how I hack. Passing it to a friend, relax during his turn.
Now he gives back the eight panel with a great pass. Rhythmic with extravagance. Here’s a game that’ll make you pant. Increase the stats of your endurance.
Eye-foot coordination. A footbag will help you with your balance. It’ll help you take deeper breaths instead of shallow lung usage.
What a great game. My favorite aspect is that it’s cooperative!
Flying disk. Number two on the list. Been throwing them since I was a kid. Concentrate letting go of the Frisbee. Throwing them straight is a great feeling.
Go for a skill shot, through the tree. Hit a direct shot with the Aerobie. Do it a lot from April spring until the leaves start falling.
Please make sure you’re careful. Control your shot, so I don’t travel four hundred feet to grab a bad pass. Lying far, out in the tall grass.
Even worse, if we’re at the park, a bad pass might hit someone’s car. Someone’s dog or someone’s face. Aim your passes in the correct place.
Must repeat this helpful tip: When you let go, control your wrist. Make sure you level out the disk. Gently let go when you throw it.
No need to whip it as hard as you can. It’ll glide nice if you relax. Don’t put too much thought behind it. Just let go and glide it.
Just envision pass precision! Your target, Frisbee collision.
When I want some fresh air to breathe, there’s only one activity good enough for me. Fast-paced hiking. It’s always exhilarating.
Watch your step! There’s great danger rock climbing through the river. One bad step can end your career for the season. Just pay attention!
You will be fine, don’t take your mind off your environment. Helps you train, build endurance. It’s not just some passing fad.
It’s not just some gimmick. Something marketing, selling, expensive. It’s the preferred thing accepted when activities are mentioned.
Do I prefer this? Yes, I do. What else is there to get into? Some high-priced limitation? Some television station?
Some process I can only guess will cost a bunch, probably cause stress. Make a mess of my finances. Get the best of my precious years.
Gotta keep writing memories of epic, fast-paced hiking.
08 – EVERY SINGLE POINT POSSIBLE
Sittin’ on my ass, a controller in my lap. Not doing anything? Don’t even give me that. I’m clearin’ out the badniks. Jump, I do a thousand flips. Below my hip my legs flyin’ quick, with a zip.
Clearin’ out the stage. Earnin’ every single point possible. It’s a stroll when I roll through the levels. Did it so many times before I even owned a console. Knew where to go for the video games.
It’s a shame they don’t still make mid-nineties hardware. I think the market is there. People just might buy a brand new device. Technology I remember from the early days.
I understand VCRs and cassette tapes went the obsolete way. Slow long play. But I would rather buy a 2020 version of a Genesis than worry ’bout a DRM mess.
Yeah, I hate DRM. I had a faulty system. Red ring of death. But my warranty covered it. Not a problem up to the point I played a game on my refurbished system. Gotta download every time.
If I’m not signed in, can’t play the full version of the game I paid for. But I didn’t. ‘Cause I leased a copy of the game code. Didn’t own. ‘Cause the game was a digital download.
And it happened for thirty three games. Sealife Safari, Streets of Rage. Alien Hominid, Boom Boom Rocket, Bomberman, Castlevania SOTN.
Gotta download every single time. If I’m not online, I’m limited by a trial version. Why?! Four refurbished consoles later, here I am swimmin’ in a pool of confusing DRM.
Now, with the license transfer tool, once a year you can put ’em on a new console. Since I just did it, if I upgrade, A whole ‘nother year I’ll have to wait
to transfer the games I own to my new system. This DRM was designed by a corporation. I can tell by the way they sell. Make you think you’re savin’ money, bank account’s a dry well.
Yeah, I hate DRM. I had a faulty system. Red ring of death. But my warranty covered it. Not a problem up to the point I played a game on my refurbished system. Gotta download every time.
If I’m not signed in, can’t play the full version of the game I paid for. But I didn’t. ‘Cause I leased a copy of the game code. Didn’t own. ‘Cause the game was a digital download.
09 – STATUE STONE
Sky Chase Zone. The airplane flows under me so I don’t tumble. Down to the bottomless abyss. Who ever would have thought this would be one of my favorite stages?
Tails in the cockpit, at the controls. Me on the top of the ship, fightin’ evil! Gotta give props, this game’s pure gold. Been around for thirty years, still isn’t old.
In a bean bag chair, statue stone. Tails flyin’ planes in the Sky Chase Zone. Killin’ my boredom while I’m sittin’ alone at home. Usin’ my brain, even though
I’m starin’ at a 4×3, like a zombie. Made it this far, now nothin’ can stop me. Now the pressure’s on. Can’t get sloppy. Can’t drop. Free fall down a bottomless hole.
Sky Chase Zone. The airplane goes so fast, at the mast, keep ya on ya toes. Keep ya reflexes sharp. Ya know, ya might take a big plunge if ya think slow.
Tails in the cockpit, steerin’ the plane. This stage, towards the end of the game. Wing Fortress, Death Egg is up next. So don’t stop now, it’s gonna get tense!
In a bean bag chair, statue stone. Tails flyin’ planes in the Sky Chase Zone. Killin’ my boredom while I’m sittin’ alone at home. Usin’ my brain, even though
I’m starin’ at a 4×3, like a zombie. Made it this far, now nothin’ can stop me. Now the pressure’s on. Can’t get sloppy. Can’t drop. Free fall down a bottomless hole.
When you got a zombified look in ya eye, only thing on ya mind is don’t die. Take a break. Gotta shake this dull headache. On the couch, you concentrate, game faced.
Gotta use brainwaves, I must say. Just pay attention closely, or it’s a shame. Fall down, the impact nasty. The sound, when heard, a travesty.
In a bean bag chair, statue stone. Tails flyin’ planes in the Sky Chase Zone. Killin’ my boredom while I’m sittin’ alone at home. Usin’ my brain, even though
I’m starin’ at a 4×3, like a zombie. Made it this far, now nothin’ can stop me. Now the pressure’s on. Can’t get sloppy. Can’t drop. Free fall down a bottomless hole.
10 – DON’T HESITATE
Gotta run fast, leave ya in the past. Move by ya face quick, only see a blue dash. Grabbin’ up coins, gaining extra lives. Makin’ sure I survive. On a hill up high.
Gotta love it when I play the game every time. Above the skyline, clouds white. Underneath the hills, the magma will rise. Gotta run to the right. Don’t lose a life.
Doc’s got a flamethrower on top of a submarine. Keep jumping, don’t stop! I admit, every time I play Sonic 2, can’t wait for the fifth stage. Just before the Mystic Cave.
Shoots ya with flames, sets the ground ablaze. Dodge the sprays he sends your way. Soundtrack for the game sounds great. Check out the sound test…don’t hesitate!
Move by ya quick, legs a blur below the hip. Throw up the arms, sit while in an oil slick. Collecting coins, gaining extra lives. Earning extra tries.
Sit back while I clear through the game, put ya score to shame. In an hour time frame, blaze through the last stage. In a hundred twenty seconds make it past that page in a sequence of events programmed in the game.
Doc’s got a flamethrower on top of a submarine. Keep jumping, don’t stop! I admit, every time I play Sonic 2, can’t wait for the fifth stage. Just before the Mystic Cave.
Shoots ya with flames, sets the ground ablaze. Dodge the sprays he sends your way. Soundtrack for the game sounds great. Check out the sound test…don’t hesitate!
Level number five. To this point I have survived. Hoarding all my lives, saving for the final bad guy. Now I’m this far, might as well move ahead. Devoid of passwords or a save function.
Yeah, on 360 it contains three save slots, and they get used quite a lot. But up to this day, the way I still play is a Genesis cartridge, letterbox display.
Doc’s got a flamethrower on top of a submarine. Keep jumping, don’t stop! I admit, every time I play Sonic 2, can’t wait for the fifth stage. Just before the Mystic Cave.
Shoots ya with flames, sets the ground ablaze. Dodge the sprays he sends your way. Soundtrack for the game sounds great. Check out the sound test…don’t hesitate!
11 – SUPER LEAGUE
Playin’ Tommy Lasorda Baseball. Playin’ Tommy Lasorda Baseball. Remember playin’ it with grandpa. I’m glad I held on to my only copy.
When you start a game they say “Play ball!” Best sports game for the Sega. If you haven’t played it yet Might be in jeopardy of getting ‘hold of it.
In other territories it was called Super League. Not endorsed by MLB, still had all your favorite teams. The players were fictional. They wore the familiar colors. The game’s better than all others.
In the genre I’ve sampled much, but Lasorda is worth a bunch to me, because
step to plate, the game begins. How many wins can you get in one season? Step to plate, the game begins. How many wins can you get in one season?
We played a bunch. Sometimes, I’d bunt. Sometimes, I swung. One time, I won by over ten runs!
Sit on the floor. You might get bored if you’re over the age where you’re too old for this stuff.
Playin’ Tommy Lasorda Baseball. Playin’ Tommy Lasorda Baseball. Remember playin’ it with my friends. Memories will last ’till the very end.
When you start a game they say “Play ball!” Best sports game for the Sega. If you haven’t played it, what are ya waiting for? Go get it!
The colors of the teams are the same as MLB. Doesn’t have real name for players, but find one person who cares. I bet you can’t!
No need for other endorsements. Lasorda seal of approval, of course it’s ridiculously top notch. Pay a small fee at a secondhand shop for it if ya can.
If ya see it in the ranks. Fight through a serious of challenging games. Prove your worth, so there’s nothin’ to explain. Let’s go one-on-one, exhibition play.
Buy it if ya can. If ya see it in the ranks. Fight through a serious of challenging games. Prove your worth, so there’s nothin’ to explain. Let’s go one-on-one, exhibition play.
Sit on the floor. You might get bored if you’re over the age where you’re too old for this stuff.
Playin’ Tommy Lasorda Baseball. Playin’ Tommy Lasorda Baseball. Remember playin’ it with grandpa. I probably should pick up a sealed copy.
When you start a game they say “Play ball!” Best sports game for the Sega. If I haven’t convinced you yet, online with a credit card you can buy it.
In other territories, it was called Super Leauge.
Not endorsed by MLB, still had all your favorite teams. The players were fictional, they wore the familiar colors. The game’s better than all others.
In the genre I’ve sampled much, but Lasorda is worth a bunch to me, because
step to plate, the game begins. How many wins can you get in one season? Step to plate, the game begins. How many wins can you get in one season?
We played a bunch. Sometimes, I’d bunt. Sometimes, I swung One time, I won by over ten runs.
Sit on the floor. You might get bored if you’re over the age where you’re too old for this stuff.
12 – SAW IT IN THE BARGAIN BIN
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I zoom through level after level. I just wanna get to the pedal copter. What a fun tune playin’ in the background. I’ll get there soon.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I fly through level after level. I just wanna get to the sixth stage. What a great tune playin’ in the opening credits, too.
Saw it in the bargain bin. Put it in my possession. Paid off the expenses. Played through it extensive.
Never segregated it from the main pile, the one that contained 6-Pak, Saturday Night Slam Masters. My Neighbors that Zombies Ate.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I zoom through level after level. I just wanna get to the pedal copter. What a fun tune playin’ in the background. I’ll get there soon.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I fly through level after level. I just wanna get to the sixth stage. What a great tune playin’ in the opening credits, too.
Saw it in the stack of games and disks. Put it in my Genesis. Saw it on the screen, ’cause RGB delivered the information to me.
‘Cause of this, I saw an image. Looks like movement, brain was tricked. Audio cues in unison with the picture that’s flickerin’.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I zoom through level after level. I just wanna get to the pedal copter. What a fun tune playin’ in the background. I’ll get there soon.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I fly through level after level. I just wanna get to the sixth stage. What a great tune playin’ in the opening credits, too.
Saw it on the shelf, couldn’t help myself. Picked it up, I said “What the hell?” Bought it for a buck, even though I have one. Now I got a second in my collection.
Never took it out of the same pile I kept all the top games in. Never thought about it lowly, so the memory is regarded high to me.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I zoom through level after level. I just wanna get to the pedal copter. What a fun tune playin’ in the background. I’ll get there soon.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I fly through level after level. I just wanna get to the sixth stage. The last one to throw ridiculous obstacles at you.
This turned out to be quite the gauntlet. What have I gone and got myself in? No sayin’ quit, no stoppin’ it. The fire that burns every day in my spirit refuses failure.
Every tick of the clock, I’ll put to good usage. Use respect while wading through this molecule soup we call existence.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I zoom through level after level. I just wanna get to the pedal copter. What a fun tune playin’ in the background. I’ll get there soon.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I fly through level after level. I just wanna get to the sixth stage. The last one to throw ridiculous obstacles at you.
Saw it in the bargain bin. Put it in my possession. Paid off the expenses. Played through it extensive.
Never segregated it from the main pile, the one that contained 6-Pak, Saturday Night Slam Masters. My Neighbors that Zombies Ate.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I zoom through level after level. I just wanna get to the pedal copter. What a fun tune playin’ in the background. I’ll get there soon.
Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude! Yeah, I fly through level after level. I just wanna get to the sixth stage. What a great tune playin’ in the opening credits, too.
13 – A LOT OF FUN
The second level in Greendog is Mustique. A little puppy runs around and follows your feet. This level is a whole lot easier than stage three, but ya gotta watch out for the starfish debris.
They explode when you walk near them. When I was young, I would always fear them. But now I got the timing down. I’m slippin’ through the holes in the patterns of explosions of the shrapnel.
When I’m playin’ Greendog I have a lot of fun. Oh yes, I like to put the cartridge in my Sega. Oh yes, I played the game a whole lot when I was sick. Helped me get my mind off all of the vomit.
If you ask me, I say this game’s a classic. In video game years, its age is Jurassic. Don’t let that stir you. I’m stuck in 1992, back when we were gamin’ on some Greendog Beached Surfer Dude.
Here in Mustique, you haven’t even reached your peak. The game will soon increase in difficulty. If you thought level two was tough, your skills aren’t up to snuff to make it through the game, to hang with the frantic ending.
You will come across a lot of lobsters. Let me tell you right now, I’m about to explain how you dispose of these annoying enemies. Throw a boomerang, hit ’em in the brain.
The lobster will jump toward you. Hit ’em with another boomerang thrown straight into their sprite. The pesky dog will try to bite and take your food. He sets off starfish, too!
When I’m playin’ Greendog I have a lot of fun. Oh yes, I like to put the cartridge in my Sega. Oh yes, I played the game a whole lot when I was a kid. After a long summer day outside playin’.
Got a bad cramp in my d-pad hand, ’cause I now made it towards the end. Wish there was a save function. A level skip is programmed in.
If you want a challenge, fire up some Greendog. Get a controller with quality receptors. The jumps you have to make require razor precision. Platforms you’re missin’ if you don’t pay attention.
The second level in Greendog is Mustique. A dog follows your feet. This game tried to compete with Super Mario. I think we all know who won that battle.
Still, I like to show Greendog respect for what it tried to do. Best game soundtrack of 1992. In the top twenty soundtracks of all time. That’s why I wrote about the game in poems that rhyme.
When I’m playing Greendog I have a lot of fun. Oh yes, I like to put the cartridge in my Sega. Oh yes, I played the game a whole lot, time was wasted. At least I had to think while I was watchin’.
Usin’ my brain, makin’ tough decisions. Prefrontial cortex fillin’ with blood. When I decide what happens with my left thumb, sprites get to goin’. Animation and movement.
Had some great times with the game Greendog. Fun. Surfin’ on the beach, enemy destruction. Check out his haircut and 90’s attire. Brings you to a time that has long since expired.
14 – PEDAL COPTER
Floating. I hover on the pedal copter. Using my legs’ kinetic energy. Distance I cover on the pedal copter. But, I’m just hitting C rapidly.
Having so much fun on the pedal copter. Wish I had this game on 360. But on second thought, I would rather play it on 4×3 just like we used to see it on our television.
Now when I play it, blown away by the tough difficulty. If you take your time jumping through the platforms and dodging, you’ll attain supremacy.
Floating. I hover on the pedal copter. Challenging my dexterity. Make sure I have a controller in hand that can take the demand. Fragile equipment. Sacrament.
These relics, electronics manufactured twenty years ago. How long will they make it? How will they hold up? Gotta cross fingers, only God knows.
When I play Greendog and I beat a level There’s only one way to the next one. Gotta hop on my trusty pedal-copter, if you don’t have Turbo, it might not be fun.
Because the rate at which you have to hit C will drive a scholar to insanity. You have to hit it sixty miles an hour. Very quickly hitting C and then B to punch.
It truly helps to have precision controls stomping through the challenging levels. The gameplay is unforgiving, so make sure you have a good controller.
Floating. I hover on the pedal copter. Can’t believe I just passed Mustique. Make sure I have a controller in hand with a turbo option. Gotta pound the C button!
Gotta grab foodstuffs, gotta punch the bad guys. Boxing glove’s in front of the bike. Don’t take no damage, you don’t wanna lose life. All the while, concentrate on your flight.
Floating. I hover on the pedal copter. Using my legs kinetic energy. Distance I cover on the pedal copter. But I’m just hitting C rapidly.
Having so much fun on the pedal copter. Wish I had this game on 360. But on second thought, I would rather play it on 4×3 just like we used to have great fun
sitting on the carpet in our jean shorts Controller wouldn’t make it to the couch. Cords not long enough, our legs would fall asleep. While getting up, you just might say “Ouch!”
Floating. I hover on the pedal copter. Can’t believe I just passed Mustique. Make sure I have a controller in hand with a turbo option. Gotta pound the C button!
Gotta grab foodstuffs, gotta punch the bad guys. Boxing glove’s in front of the bike. Don’t take no damage, you don’t wanna lose life. All the while, concentrate on your flight.
Floating. I hover on the pedal copter. Using my legs kinetic energy. Distance I cover on the pedal copter. But I’m just hitting C rapidly.
15 – COLD OUTSIDE
It’s cold outside. It’s snowing and I will stay home. Today, my plan is to play some games with all of my friends. Intense competition.
Soul Calibur for Dreamcast will be an excellent chance to hang out. Sit next to the fireplace after a long day sledding.
Sitting on the floor. Looking outside through the window, snow is flyin’. Always enjoy wearing long sleeves. Playing my games on the TV.
Outside the snowy scenery blows easily through the breezy wind. You see, I’m enjoying playing a game when snow is deep.
It’s cold outside. It’s snowing and I will stay home. Today, my plan is to play some games with all of my friends. Friendly competition.
Eternal Champions, Genesis. Will be an excellent chance to hang out. Sit next to the fireplace after a long day working.
Sitting on the floor. Looking outside through the window, snow is flyin’. Always enjoy wearing long sleeves. Playing my games on the TV.
Outside the snowy scenery blows easily through the breezy wind. You see, I’m enjoying playing a game when snow is deep.
16 – CRANIAL SEWAGE
Fire up the Sega, now I’m playin’ Golden Axe. A little apprehensive walkin’ down the Fiend’s Path. Immerse myself. Now I’m havin’ a blast. Tyris’ magic will make ya gasp. Major detail in the graphics.
Maxin’ out the Genesis video chips. Arcade blew me away. What can I say? Best looking game in that day and age. Time flew away when I used to play. On Genesis, there’s a bonus stage.
You could fight a duel with another fool. Plug in a second pad, I’ll take ya to school. Run real fast, PLOW! With a shoulder blast. Knock ya on ya ass, lose ya life bars fast. Or if ya want, try a one player romp.
Fight through a gauntlet, put ya on the spot. Fight multiple tough enemies at once. Gotta run n’ jump, chop, take ’em out stunned. Plowin’ through foes, all the while, havin’ fun. Scourin’ for those blue bottles of potion.
Immersed in the Genesis game Golden Axe. A little apprehensive walkin’ down the Fiend’s Path. Got a full stash of blue magic. Take ’em out fast, now I’ve finally had it.
Ruthless raid across terrain never seen in a game. Let me put it this way. The people of Turtle Village have been ransacked and pillaged. It’s your mission to rescue those who live there. Obliterate instigators of the warfare.
It’s a long haul to the castle. Sworn enemy Death Adder takes a weapon you once had in ya hand. Takin’ advantage of the Turtle Village. Sic his henchmen on all those innocents. Max blood spillage. Cranial sewage.
Command a dragon and make him breathe fire on all of your enemies. Burn their extremities. Don’t let him get away. ‘Cause you need him to slay all of your enemies. Leave them no remedies. Use all your expertise. Next level, let’s reprise.
A little apprehensive, walkin’ down the Fiend’s Path. A little apprehensive, walkin’ down the Fiend’s Path. A little apprehensive, walkin’ down the Fiend’s Path. A little apprehensive, walkin’ down the Fiend’s Path.
Close to vicinity of the castle. But I ain’t shakin’ in my boots, I’m a master. Every time I play the game, finish it faster. Movin’ up in rank, gettin’ me an A grade.
Fun campaign, challenge every time I play. Arcade port, XBLA. A real fun time when it’s played online. A real fun time playin’ side by side.
Playin’ Golden Axe on the 6-Pak. When I think back to the years that I can’t forget. Playin’ Golden Axe with my best friend. Want the game to never end. Tough to beat enemies. Death Adder wants me deceased. Difficulty increase. Make ’em rest in peace.
Playin’ Golden Axe in the arcade. Nearly every single day. Coins pay, pockets full of change. Blows away and tames nearly half the games put out even today. Don’t even play the remake.
Prayin’ for a time in the future with a Golden Axe for the current gen, playin’ like it used ‘ta. Prayin’ for a time in the future with a Golden Axe for the current gen, playin’ like it used ‘ta. Either a side scroller or a third person viewpoint.
Now I’m plain’ Golden Axe. A little apprehensive walkin’ down the Fiend’s Path. Immerse myself. Now I’m havin’ a blast. The main warrior, Ax, he casts Earth spells. Animation graphics; major detail.
Four slots in his magic meter. Long sword is his trademark death dealer. Ax Battler’s mom killed by Death Adder. Same fate to the parents of Tyris Flare. Gilius Thunderhead’s brother became dead for the same reason.
They fight in unison. Motivated. No way they’re losin’. Stompin’ the enemies. Tryin’ to take the least damage I can at the level’s end. Boss battle will do ya in.
You could fight a duel with another warrior. Beat an enemy, there’s another in store for ya. High stakes; the challenge, great. Every time I hit power got a clean slate. Choose my fate every time I hit play.
Immersed in the Genesis game Golden Axe. A little apprehensive walkin’ down the Fiend’s Path. Got a full stash of blue magic. Take ’em out fast, now I’ve finally had it.
Ruthless raid across terrain never seen in a game. Let me put it this way. The people of Turtle Village have been ransacked and pillaged. It’s your mission to rescue those who live there. Obliterate instigators of the warfare.
It’s a long haul to the castle. Sworn enemy Death Adder takes a weapon you once had in ya hand. Takin’ advantage of the Turtle Village. Sic his henchmen on all those innocents. Max blood spillage. Cranial sewage.
Command a dragon and make him breathe fire on all of your enemies. Burn their extremities. Don’t let him get away. ‘Cause you need him to slay all of your enemies. Leave them no remedies. Use all your expertise. Next level, let’s reprise.
17 – KEEPIN’ A CHICKEN LIZARD TAME
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Stayin’ up late to beat the game. Ridin’ a dragon that spits flames.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Concentrate to beat the game. Keepin’ a chicken lizard tame.
When your 6-Pak won’t fire up and you’ve given up. Your gameplay experience expired, but you wanna keep the fun momentum. Yet, you breathe into the bottom of the cartridge and nothin’ happens.
Give a try to this trusty method I’ve developed. After many years of extreme frustration. Playin’ games on systems with dirty pin connections.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Stayin’ up late to beat the game. Ridin’ a dragon that spits flames.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Concentrate to beat the game. Keepin’ a chicken lizard tame.
Prepare to transfer air where the pins connect. Bring it back alive with your lungs and your breath. Pump blood into the veins of the warriors in the game. If you wanna be the elf, hurry while choosing!
I will scoop him up if you’re undecided. Always use him when I’m fightin’ in gameplay. Battlin’ with the lowest magic but the biggest melee.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Stayin’ up late to beat the game. Ridin’ a dragon that spits flames.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Concentrate to beat the game. Keepin’ a chicken lizard tame.
Must shatter the control of evil Death Adder. He captured the king and his daughter, now I’m after him and the Golden Axe. Controller in hand. Travel through the land of Yuria fast!
So I can make an epic save, be the hero of the day. Use my melee attack. Slash and hack. Slash and hack. Never turn my back. Make it to the final point on the map.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Stayin’ up late to beat the game. Ridin’ a dragon that spits flames.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Concentrate to beat the game. Keepin’ a chicken lizard tame.
Pick a cartridge from the shelf. Try it for yourself. If we’re playing Golden Axe, I’ll probably be the elf. In between the levels we will attack gnomes for health. We will always hack and slash. We’ll use very little stealth.
We will take Death Adder down. Make the village safe and sound. Bring the kingdom back to how it was before enemies came around. After Adder, put Death Bringer six feet underground.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Stayin’ up late to beat the game. Ridin’ a dragon that spits flames.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Concentrate to beat the game. Keepin’ a chicken lizard tame.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Stayin’ up late to beat the game. Ridin’ a dragon that spits flames.
A memory that’ll always stay. Playin’ Golden Axe back in the day. Concentrate to beat the game. Keepin’ a chicken lizard tame.
18 – IN A JAM
In a jam. Fightin’ Eggman. Flash in the pan. Was what I became the first time I ran through the course. It was a challenge of sorts. No rings. Just one on one, you battling Robotnik.
He can crush Sonic in the pods that project from the floor trap. Electricity in between opportunities for attacking.
Eight hits and you finished your main quest. But did you grab all of those emeralds?
In a jam. Fightin’ Eggman. Carefully plan every single jump. Don’t get stuck in a spot where you could get crushed or zapped like a bug from the spark ball scud.
Yes, indeed you have no rings. Ultimate test of dexterity. Robotnik flees after you complete. One final hit, now you’re treated to the ending.
Eight hits! Finish your main quest. But did you nab all six rock slabs?
19 – EXTENDED PIXELATED BLUR
My collection of games is extensive. Yes, I rarely go to the arcade. ‘Cause when I walk downstairs to the basement, I find every game I’ve wanted to play.
Yes, I have championed nearly every one. But there’s always a new challenge, ’cause I make adjustments to the difficulty. No longer do I play every game on easy.
I fight all the way to the boss at the end. I stay up ’till the sun says “Hello, my friend.” He says “You should get yourself some sleep, but I’m proud of the score you achieved.”
For the duration of my life, it’s been an extensive pixelated blur, for sure. Polygonal lands. Born with controller in hand. I had a plastic slab with a d-pad and face buttons
to ensure control of every move. Never let an enemy outta my view. Takin’ out every single room, goin’ through trial and error. Face the problem different ways.
Always monitor my life gauge. Keep an eye on it during the final stage. The antagonist is big-time pissed. Final showdown between you and him.
Gotta study his patterns and attacks. The entire game has boiled down to this match. Memorized every special, every trick in the bag. Now it’s time to unveil what I really have.
No way will I let this game kick my ass. I’ve played to achieve much more than that. See, I got the strategy guide in my lap. I got the drive to pass the final map.
We’re on our way to Big Fun. Wireless competitions during the long car trip. I picked up Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude!, purchased a footbag from Sunshine Too.
For the duration of my life, it’s been an extensive pixelated blur, for sure. Polygonal lands. Born with controller in hand. I had a plastic slab with a d-pad and face buttons
to ensure control of every command. Pry the controller out my cold, dead hands. Addicted to adrenaline. Ask my stance on video games today, now’s my chance
to explain what I really think ’bout these games. Do I approve how over time they’ve changed? Am I offended by info collected while I’m signed on, plugged into the network?
Ask me what I think about every single detail in the privacy policy. When I put the CD in the tray, do I give my rights away? Should I disconnect from Live, play the old fashioned way?
DRM glitches plague my Live Arcade. If I’m not online, some become trial games. Even when I’m on, some still are unpaid, ’till I redownload them from my dashboard.
We’re on our way to Big Fun. Wireless competitions during the long car trip. I picked up Greendog the Beached Surfer Dude!, purchased a footbag from Sunshine Too.
For the duration of my life, it’s been an extensive pixelated blur, for sure. Polygonal lands. Born with controller in hand. I had a plastic slab with a d-pad and face buttons to ensure.
20 – WHEN I WAS YOUNG
Every day, when I was young, I always had to write stuff down. Lyrics to songs that came to mind, and strategies for the games of mine.
Tear off a piece of notebook. Stick it in my pocket, look at it when I got home. End the frustration, beat the zone.
Back then, you didn’t have to try too hard in school to get by. This gave me plenty of free time to devise strategy.
Workin’ it all out in my head while I should be studyin’. Thinkin’ of ways to reach the end. Beat the game like a champion.
Tear off a piece of notebook. Bring it home, begin to cook up a plan. Reach the end of the zone that gave me problems.
Yes, it is true. Back in third grade, my priorities weren’t straight. Sitting in class, for hours I’d wait. The end of day classroom escape.
Back then you didn’t have to try too hard to do good. That’s why my main concern when I was in class was to figure out how to pass the level I was stuck on. I would meddle plans beyond anything ever seen in my history video gaming.
Every day, when I had time for free play, I’d go outside. Think up of games I’d like to play. Write them down at the end of the day.
Fleshing out all the characters. Backstory for every one. Designing the environments with my colored pencil collection.
Tear off a piece of napkin. It contains my latest invention. Concept art. A multi-tiered stage for a fighting game never to appear.
It will exist only in theory. A concept drawing on a page. These are dime a dozen these days, but without them, there’d be no games.
Every day, when I was young, I always had to write stuff down. Lyrics to songs that came to mind. And strategies for the games of mine.
21 – WHY’S IT GOTTA STOP?
Thank you very much for stickin ’round and playin’ this game. It’s a shame it came to an ending. I’m sure ya fingers throb, if ya got a three button controller. The D pad really hurts after over an hour bot slaying.
But that should be the time frame you try to beat the game within. Easier said than done, it’s an achievement. Can’t seem to get it, but I’m workin on it.
Now that we’ve reached the end, what have we accomplished? Sonic 1 had six gems to snitch. Seven were contained in this game. Sonic 2. Saw it through. Time to move on to somethin’ new.
Beat it once again. In unprecedented fashion. Record timin’. We should go head to head in the two player mode. Big time battle.
Big time battle! Big time battle!
How come now that time has passed, we no longer laugh? Enjoy the things we used to, just have fun. No, now we can’t. All the scheduling, timing, just to get together, grab some rings. But no longer do we do these things.
Why’s it gotta stop? Bring the fun up to a halt. Just because the clock moved ahead; it’s no one’s fault.
We gotta make sure…(We clear?) We don’t become absurd…(Do ya hear?) Imaginationless, just because we’re older.
BONUS TRACKS
22 – PINBALL WINDFALL
ALL SNARE DRUM SOUNDS SAMPLED FROM REAL PINBALL FLIPPERS
Grippin’ the flippers. Man, I’m hittin’ the kickers. Achievin’ the high score while colored strobe lights flicker on the board. I’m playin’ a pinball game at the bowling alley on a rainy day.
Insert two coins for one play. Pull the plunger. Strike the ball with the force of wind and thunder. Shoot it up into the playfield. Hit your target like Baker Mayfield.
On a six-and-a-half-degree incline. React properly to keep the ball alive. Use the flippers. Catch the ball, turn ’em into grippers. Fling that thing, hit your target with a ripper.
Redirect the ball. Never, ever let it fall to the bottom of the board. Choose a different protocol. Hit the pop bumpers, give the ball a couple jumpers. The kickers and the slingshots always make you wonder where the
ball is gonna go! Where’s the pinball gonna go? Down the middle of the lane or in a rollover zone? A drop target hole or a saucer? Explode when you insert the coins, give the plunger a throw! Where’s it gonna go? Where’s the pinball gonna go? In a scoop, in a moat? Head to head, toe to toe? In a tournament, playin’ for the glory and the prize. Maybe in your basement, Banzai Run from ’89.
Avoid a tilt, but hit a nudge, just because you’d like to keep your game goin’, havin’ so much fun. Have a ton of quarters in pocket. Now, time to rock it. Hit a stationary target or a multiball socket.
How many points can you attain in the pinball game? Can you process all the action in your brain? Can you make the ball behave when it’s time to play? When you walk in the arcade at the end of the day?
A whirlwind spinner. Yes, this gimmick is a winner. If you’re a beginner you’ll wish your skills were much bigger. Gates block your ball from going a certain way. A stopper between the flippers keeps defeat at bay.
Activate a special mission or a bonus game. Never let random chance have the final say. Hit a quick tilt when your ball’s in the outlane. Get it in, get a tournament win; celebrate!
Where’s it gonna go? Where’s the pinball gonna go? Down the middle of the lane or in a rollover zone? A drop target hole or a saucer? Explode when you insert the coins, give the plunger a throw! Where’s it gonna go? Where’s the pinball gonna go? In a scoop, in a moat? Head to head, toe to toe? In a tournament, playin’ for the glory and the prize. Maybe in your basement, Frankenstein from ’95.
Man, you’re doin’ your best, but you just let the ball fall between the flippers once again. If you wanna win first or second in the tournament, better turn around and get points like a savage.
Get a free game. Match the numbers on the display. Active bumpers shoot you every which way. Solenoid sends me into the void. When I return, I get burned to my opponent’s joy.
Interactive backglass. Catchy graphics. Eye-popping design, ’89, Bad Cats. Theatre of Magic. Super tragic outcome if I don’t learn the angles real fast.
Been playin’ on the same coin for a long time. Onlookers multiply as my score climbs. Catch the ball in the flipper at the drop of a dime. And now I hit a prime line, and my score is enshrined.
Where’s it gonna go? Where’s the pinball gonna go? Down the middle of the lane or in a rollover zone? A drop target hole or a saucer? Explode when you insert the coins, give the plunger a throw! Where’s it gonna go? Where’s the pinball gonna go? In a scoop, in a moat? Head to head, toe to toe? In a tournament, playin’ for the glory and the prize. Maybe in your basement, Banzai Run from ’89. Where’s it gonna go? Where’s the pinball gonna go? Down the middle of the lane or in a rollover zone? A drop target hole or a saucer? Explode when you insert the coins, give the plunger a throw! Where’s it gonna go? Where’s the pinball gonna go? In a scoop, in a moat? Head to head, toe to toe? In a tournament, playin’ for the glory and the prize. Maybe in your basement, Frankenstein from ’95.
23 – THE CARFETERIA FEATURING MC SNAX
The Carfeteria is where I eat food. Always buy something to chew every time I’m on the move. Spendin’ big cash fast on a chicken nugget batch. Got a tray in the back. When I eat, it’s on my lap.
Got an Arby’s card, buy one get one sandwich. Flash it in the drive-thru. That piece of plastic is magic. I need some curly fries, too. And samplin’ of a side salad. Yes, I made out like a bandit.
…The Carfeteria. I eat there every day. Crumbs accumulate. Spill stains often take place. Fries between the seats. They have been there for weeks. They live among spare change, mints, and wrappers for sweets.
Got a cup holder that I need to clean. It’s obscene. At this point for me, a spotless car is a pipe dream. I might seem like I’m not tidy. My car is hiding crumbs and change in the seams and siding.
Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! …You do it when you’re on the move. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! You do it, do it, ’cause you, ’cause you have to. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! …You do it when you’re on the move. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! You do it, do it, ’cause you love the drive-thru.
Now not too many have mastered the art of eatin’ food like Big Snax has in the car. Though, I still make a mess and my car’s unsightly. The skill takes time, don’t take it lightly.
But I could eat a bowl of soup while my homie drives down a bumpy dirt road, and my food still survives. But like Don will tell ya, don’t be reckless. Drive with hands at 10 and 2, not while eatin’ breakfast.
There’s no joy sweeter than eatin’ in your car, but you should only do it if you’re safely parked. And if you’re scared to make a mess, it doesn’t have to be hard. You can start with something simple, like a protein bar.
But me? I like to hit up the drive-thru. Find a nice place to park with a scenic view. Outside my ride I confide no meal is complete. So yo, Particle Don, tell our homies where we eat!
Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! …You do it when you’re on the move. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! You do it, do it, ’cause you, ’cause you have to. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! …You do it when you’re on the move. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! You do it, do it, ’cause you love the drive-thru.
If you’re on the go, get some fries. Many times I have purchased potatoes cut into straight lines. Buy them with change you find. Fill your stomach, free your mind. Never operate a vehicle and eat at the same time.
Unless you’re at a stop light, and you’ve got your eyes wide. You don’t wanna get in a wreck or cause a side swipe. I like eatin’ food from Five Guys, ’cause it travels really nice in the car when I drive. Day or night.
The abyss is the spot between my seat and center console. I’ve dropped enough food in there to feed the student council. When I vacuum, gonna whistle a happy tune. It’s long overdue, many crumbs have accrued.
Many spills have taken place, many french fries went to waste. One time waffle fries fell outta my lap all over the place. Lost my entire snack across my floor mat. It set me back. Made me sad. I’ll never forget that.
Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! …You do it when you’re on the move. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! You do it, do it, ’cause you, ’cause you have to. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! …You do it when you’re on the move. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! You do it, do it, ’cause you love the drive-thru.
Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! …You do it when you’re on the move. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! You do it, do it, ’cause you, ’cause you have to. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! …You do it when you’re on the move. Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! Where do ya eat? IN THE CAR! You do it, do it, ’cause you must eat food.
24 – I JUST SPENT SIXTY BUCKS AT THE DOLLAR TREE
I just spent sixty bucks at the Dollar Tree. Ended up with crayons, glue, and string. How did this happen to me? I walked into this store for only one thing. Now, several bags I’m carrying. So much for downsizing.
I just spent sixty bucks at the Dollar Tree. Uncontrollable shopping spree. Got paper clips and candy. I walked into this store for only one thing. Now, home I bring DVDs. So much for downsizing.
So many items in my arms, that I had to grab a cart. Where do I start? Garbage bags or in the aisle with crafts and art? Mini chocolate bars. Didn’t expect my bill to be this large. My excitement? Off the charts. They’ve got Tic-Tacs and Sweet Tarts.
Greeting cards. Happy birthday and thank you. They are two for a dollar. Pick some up for weddings, birthdays, baby showers. Yes, I got a calculator that I didn’t even need. On the back of the box it says this item contains mercury.
The Dollar Tree allows me to get the things I need, but three twenties left my wallet during this epic shopping spree. I went overboard. My grand total soared. Every item grabbed contributed to the double-digit price tag.
I did bad. Somehow bought dishwasher tabs. Ended up with push pins. Mini cups. A sketchpad. Staples. Wooden clothes clips. Gloves for your hands. Coloring books and birthday party loot bags.
I just spent sixty bucks at the Dollar Tree. Ended up with crayons, glue, and string. How did this happen to me? I walked into this store for only one thing. Now, several bags I’m carrying. So much for downsizing.
I just spent sixty bucks at the Dollar Tree. Uncontrollable shopping spree. Got paper clips and candy. I walked into this store for only one thing. Now, home I bring DVDs. So much for downsizing.
How do they do it? Everything’s a dollar. And they’ve got name brands. Everything from home supplies to pens and checkout impulse grabs. Sticky putty. Thumb tacks. Also, mini tissue packs. Stack after stack of maps on a spinning display rack.
Fifty-six items after tax. How ’bout that? I got me some colored sand and some mix for bubble baths. Tabletop place mats and flash cards for math. I got ten divider tabs and a box of waxy crayons.
Yes, they do have snacks. Cookies. Plastic silverware. Trays. Napkins. Paper towels. I could be in there for days. They have paper plates. Stacking games with unique shapes. Dollar Tree detour; put a smile up on ya face.
I got some neon glow sticks and a bubble blowing kit. I feel too legit to quit as I grab magnetic clips for my fridge. Food containers. Clothes hangers. It’s a trip. Yes, I am an addict. Got a glue stick and a new bucket.
I just spent sixty bucks at the Dollar Tree. Ended up with crayons, glue, and string. How did this happen to me? I walked into this store for only one thing. Now, several bags I’m carrying. So much for downsizing.
I just spent sixty bucks at the Dollar Tree. Uncontrollable shopping spree. Got paper clips and candy. I walked into this store for only one thing. Now, home I bring DVDs. So much for downsizing.
I just spent sixty bucks at the Dollar Tree. Ended up with crayons, glue, and string. How did this happen to me? I walked into this store for only one thing. Now, several bags I’m carrying. So much for downsizing.
I just spent sixty bucks at the Dollar Tree. Uncontrollable shopping spree. Got paper clips and candy. I walked into this store for only one thing. Now, home I bring DVDs. So much for downsizing.
25 – SICK OF IT
I can’t stand it. Man, I’ll tell you, I’ve famished. Hunger for Christmas is large. I need a sandwich. I need somethin’ to keep me from ‘causin’ damage. Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it. I’m a savage.
It’s time to ravage and cause pain across the planet. It’s time to prove that I’m sick of it and I can’t stand it. You have landed on an island. Now you’re stranded. Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it. I’m a maverick.
My name is Jack Skellington! I don’t have any hair. A few months before Christmas, I had a nightmare. I’m sick of Halloween. And I’m super lonely. Sally is the only one who understands me.
One night while wandering, I came across a magic tree with a portal to Christmas Town. An insane thing. Couldn’t believe what I saw. It was amazing. Everyone was happy. No one was complaining.
Now I plan my own Christmas celebration. To share with my fellow townsfolk the sensation of pure joy and love. But I can’t explain it. Can’t explain Christmas and all the love contained in it.
The only way that they’ll know what I’m tryin’ to say is to take over Christmas town without delay. Sally tries to tell me no, but I don’t listen. Tell her “Make me a coat!” I’ve got my evil intuition.
I can’t stand it. Man, I’ll tell you, I’ve famished. Hunger for Christmas is large. I need a sandwich. I need somethin’ to keep me from ‘causin’ damage. Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it. I’m a savage.
It’s time to ravage and cause pain across the planet. It’s time to prove that I’m sick of it and I can’t stand it. You have landed on an island. Now you’re stranded. Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it. I’m a maverick.
Take Santa straight to Oogie Boogie, the boogeyman. Sally tried to save Santa, so he could stop Jack, but Sally got captured, too. Now she’s in danger. Christmas Town’s people notice the behavior
of Santa has changed. That’s ’cause Jack took his place. From the sky, wicked, evil presents rain. Jack’s under attack. He was shot out the sky. He decides now it’s time for Oogie Boogie to die.
Walks into the lair, now he fights the boogeyman. Rips apart the bad guy with his bare hands. Bugs n’ slugs fall out of Oogie’s body. They fall into the cauldron and continue rotting.
Jack promises he’ll return Christmas Town to the way it was found. All the people gather ’round and they play in the snow while Jack and Sally go to the graveyard and let their hearts glow.
I can’t stand it. Man, I’ll tell you, I’ve famished. Hunger for Christmas is large. I need a sandwich. I need somethin’ to keep me from ‘causin’ damage. Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it. I’m a savage.
It’s time to ravage and cause pain across the planet. It’s time to prove that I’m sick of it and I can’t stand it. You have landed on an island. Now you’re stranded. Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it. I’m a maverick.
26 – WALKIN’ THE ROPES
Opponents burn and crash when Facade attacks. Puttin’ backs to mats. Leavin’ ’em flat. Starin’ up at the lights, their dream smashed. Opponents don’t last, ’cause he moves so fast.
Enemies meet their match when Facade hits a plancha like an acrobat. Opponents he is sure to dispatch. Facade attains victory and the others get the axe.
Walkin’ the ropes. Leapin’ post to post. Makin’ the most of every chance to turn opponents to toast. A neon ninja, traveling the world. Wearing bright tights under spot lights. He can grapple or fist fight.
Leapin’ to the outside. Damaging his enemy every single time. He is now in his prime. Facade’s rising to the top. The choice pick of the crop. Never forgot where he came from. Sportin’ dreadlocks.
Opponents burn and crash when Facade attacks. Puttin’ backs to mats. Uploadin’ a foot to your face, no data caps. His opponents don’t last, ’cause he moves so fast.
Enemies meet their match when Facade hits a plancha like an acrobat. Doin’ cardio, jumpin’ rope, runnin’ mad laps. Takes it to the max. I’m only statin’ facts.
Spin kickin’, back flippin, rope walkin’, dreadlockin’. When he’s wrestlin’, no exception, he’s the best inside the ring during competition. See him fly high during every exhibition.
The perfect synthesis of sweetness and bitterness. Peanut butter and honey. Chocolate and citrus. Climbin’ to the top rope and doin’ front flips. Exposin’ enemies as idiots and dimwits.
Opponents burn and crash when Facade attacks. Puttin’ backs to mats. Hits a flapjack, then the crowd cheers and claps. His opponents don’t last. Puts ’em in the past.
Enemies meet their match when Facade hits a plancha like an acrobat. If you try to kick his ass, better cover your tracks. ‘Cause when he finds ya’s when your back snaps in a torture rack.
Wearin’ a Gi when he comes to the ring. Inside the squared circle, he can do anything. It’s just like he’s in a videogame. Insane spectacle. He can take it to the air, brawl, or chain wrestle.
Entertained fans in Thailand, Russia, US, Singapore, Malaysia, Japan. Went to India and brought back a cat. Flew all over the map, now he will crash a phoenix splash.
Top notch skills during competition. See him fly high during every exhibition. Among the top names every time I pay admission so they let me in the front door to be a witness.
Ninjaguri. Leave your vision blurry. Maxin’ and relaxin’ through his epic journey. Hittin’ power moves. His submission skills send chills down the spines of those who know his hunger’s never fulfilled.
Opponents burn and crash when Facade attacks. Puttin’ backs to mats. Topé suicida. Jumpin’ through the rope gaps. Facade will storm through the ranks is the current forecast.
Enemies meet their match when Facade hits a plancha like an acrobat. Among his accolades? Belts, trophies, and plaques. Eatin’ opponents for snacks. They’re takin’ three second naps.
Opponents burn and crash when Facade attacks. Puttin’ backs to mats. His skills are sharper than tacks, his move list is stacked. His gameplan has no flaws, loopholes, or cracks.
Enemies meet their match when Facade hits a plancha like an acrobat. Flyin’ through the air like a madman. Jumps atop a group of opponents, leave ’em layin’ like dead rats.